Eternal · Life · & · Love

on my birtday i went to aurora north carolina for my step mom to get married. i was the brides maid it was not very fun. so that sunday we left to go to nags head for the week. my friend heather whom i brought with me cheated on her boyfriend while we were there. and not mid way through the week jake came over and i ended up being accused of lying to my step mom over something that never even happend. but she was drunk so whatever.

so i come to find out that the three days why jake was there casidy was talking to his ex again and they got back together. and his ex practically copied my hairstyle if we didnt look enough alike as it is. it annoyed me.

but last night i had a really deep conversation with one friend who basically knows everything about me even more so than my boyfriend only because my boyfriend over reacts. but anyways. i also talked to a different friend and i made him feel better about himself and look at life the way i do and see how much everything is making him a better person and he believes in himself now. and it makes me so happy. i cried because i was so happy for him... i sound like a dork. but it really did make me feel like i was making a positive influence in someones life.

kevin is the only positive thing right now and tomorrow is a party heck yes. yays. :)

i was in a fine mood once i got a shower and calmed down some. i am tired and i am really depressed i knew i shouldnt have read that >.< but i had to and my pessimestic self just had to take it the worst way possible. i feel like crying my eyes out... but whats the point in that its not like it will help the situation.

things to accomplish this week:
project due june 2
another project was assigned friday its a like 2 week thing
geometry sol for test grade
take actual geometry sol
and try not to argue with my boyfriend

so the only good thing about this week is probably the fact were getting closer to the end of the school year...

things i have to do TONIGHT:
spanish workbook pages(2)
read chapters in my book(chap 1-3)
draw a picture reflecting what happened in that book(1)
sketchbook assignments were due friday so have to turn them in tomorrow(4)
 
it appears as though my life is full of things to do too bad I HAVE NONE OF THIS STUFF TO DO THE WORK BECAUSE MY DAD HAS IT AND HES AT A FRIENDS HOUSE!!!! UGH
 

Current Mood:

depressed

Do you all reach the same dilemma? Oh I love Alexis and all I want to do is make her happy. Oh hey wait a second she’s with JAKE and has been for 13 months now. Obviously I love him or I would not be with him. I feel completely comfortable around him. I can tell him every mistake I have made and know he will still love me and it won’t change a thing he thinks about me. I can tell him every stupid decision I’ve made every blonde moment I’ve had and know just the same. I can ask him anything and trust him to answer me honestly and without hesitation.  I trust him with my whole world my life. If he told me to do something I will listen I trust him not to hurt me. He would never say or do anything to hurt me. If I were to die tonight I just want you all to know that I love Jacob with everything I am. If losing my life would save him I would do it. If I had to endure an endless amount of suffering for him to never feel pain I would do it. His love and happiness means everything to me. If I had to run, if I had to crawl, if I had to swim a hundred rivers just to climb a thousand walls just know that I will find a way to get to where you are… baby there’s nothing far enough that will keep me from where you are. I will spend my life with you forever and I will use my last breath to tell you I love you for just one last time. So, if I die tonight I just want you to stay on this place in which we live and I want you to be happy and remember me until your time is up. If there is a place after this I hope to see you there so we really can be happy for all eternity.  I think I know what true love is and I believe I truly love you...

it has been a while since i last posted. Life has not been that great. and as previously stated by some people i guess it gets annoying hearing my problems with my family and friends and so on. On a higher note:

my sister left for italy and greece yesturday. I really do hope everything goes okay and that she has fun. Im going to a basket ball game with my boyfriend today. I really would never go to a basket ball game but its extra credit for my Honors English class. AND megan would not shut the fuck up about it. She kept asking the same people if they were going even after they said probably not the first time because shes supposed to be working at it or something. Lets see if she actually comes herself. Anyways, I have my Spanish midterm today. Thats not a good thing but atleast it will be done and over with. After this coming week it is spring break. thank god i need a break. I am hoping to go to jakes house, bushgardens, and the hollywood undead concert. Omg i really hope my dad lets me go. it will be so much fun. A lot better than when i was forced to go see the ting tings or whatever.

I have been very behind with taking pictures and photoshoping them it makes me kinda sad and leaves me with nothing to do. ugh much. Lmao. But, i should be seeing jake saturday and im sure we will take pictures. and then Sunday im going fourwheeling with family. So that may give me time to take some good pictures.

AND NOW I CAN SAY
ninja!!!!! i love jakie <3

May i mention this has happend a couple of times before once from Greg, and once from Robbie.

Greg decided he loved me and constantly talked to me. I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with him. Which i regret greatly. He eventually drove me insane to where i set him up to prove he didnt love me. I got a gay guy to pretend he was a girl. Many videos and pictures were sent back and forth and when Greg found out i set him up boy was he pissed. But i proved that he didnt love me when he would try to get with any other "girl" who was willing to fuck him moral of story dont fuck with me.

Robbie i dont rememeber how he found me but this happend about the same time as the Greg thing. Started talking to robbie he seemed nice as well but then he decided he liked me a lot and would do anything for me and so on. Hey wait he didnt even live that close to me. Anyways i helped him with things and talked to him a lot. I eventually got him to ask this other girl out then there went Hello Allie. Fuck you alexis i couldnt give a shit about talking to you anymore. She dumped him and decided he wanted to talk to me agian. UH FUCK no. get a life that doesnt involve me.

Now there is Chris, He said he loved me and so on. Right hes been very persistant as menationed in the first paragraph. He now decided he likes some girl HE MET OVER AN ONLINE THING. WHOM LIVES NO WHERE NEAR HIM. He got my BEST FRIEND to PROMISE NOT TO TELL ME. So not only does he LOVE me but he REALLY LIKES some girl he doesnt know. He expects me to trust him but yet he hid it from me and tried to make my best friend keep things from me. WTF?!?!?

Not to meantion Austin is a guy friend that i talk to a lot. and if he turns out like them...oh my god i'm just going to give up all together i cant deal with this.

What have i done to diserve any of this??? am i that horrible of a person. Im sorry god for whatever the fuck i did. I know problems are supposed to help make you a stronger person but god i am falling into a million tiny pieces and the only one whom has ever cared is my fiance. and through all of this im sure ive been hurting him i cant live like this. i cant hurt the one whos meant everything to me who has held me together i dont know why i keep doing this to him and myself....